I'm single AF. For years i questioned myself on where i was going wrong, night after night, crying myself to sleep. Oh the pain! Now I've come to a new conclusion. IT'S EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT BUT MINE!!! So I've decided to compile a simple list of do's and dont's in dating me, so you pathetic excuse for men can actually get it right and be worthy of dating moi.
DO: Have lots of confidence in yourself because confidence is attractive
DONT: Love yourself too much. Confidence is hot, even cockiness can be pretty sexy but arrogance is not. Don't be a prick.
DO: Make time for me like I make time for you. Quality time together is important in growing and strengthening a connection.
DONT: Cancel on me last minute all the time, making me feel like a right knob for getting excited.
DO: Be charming, smooth and flirty
DONT: Be boring and too held back like a stale piece of toast
DO: Be open, honest and easy to get on with.
DONT: Be full of shit and someone who feels the need to point out they don't like "the scene"
DO: Be single
DONT: Be partnered (unless initiating a throuple, otherwise bugger off)
DO: Be fit and healthy
DONT: Be super unhealthy
DO: When it comes to sexy time and we both want to get closer, dont be afraid to pull me in and kiss me
DONT: Have minging breath and the sexual technique of a turtle
DO: BE PROTECTED
DONT: Pressurize me to be unprotected or say protection will "ruin the taste" ... Really?!
DO: Send me gym progress pics
DONT: Send me dick pics. Not my thing at all
DO: Have a castle
DONT: ... Not have a castle
DO: Be a millionaire
DONT: ... Not be a millionaire
DO: Turn up to the first date
DONT: Leave me waiting at Burger King for you like a right reject.
DO: Respect me and my wishes
DONT: Underestimate my willpower. If I don't want to do something then I won't, I will say no if I don't feel comfortable enough, whatever the time of day or night.
DO: Be Channing Tatum in Magic Mike
DONT: Be Hanson the caretaker in Scary Movie 2. Keep your germs to yourself.
DO: Be a good spooner
DONT: Be a bad forker
DO: Be down to earth
DONT: Be an insufferable snob
DO: Support the LGBTTQQIAAP community
DONT: Support the no other sexuality exists that I don't understand community
DO: Follow me on Twitter and Instagram (@ChrisDerekCarr)
DONT: Follow me in real life
DO: Like the link for this post and share it
DONT: Take this post too seriously
There you have it. If you are a sexy, fit, charming, funny, open, honest, likeminded, confident, smooth, flirty, single, healthy, protective, castle owning millionaire with all the moves of Channing Tatum then do hit me up. Maybe we can meet each others expectations. I'm easy me. Not difficult to please at all ;)
