Finding Serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

This verse never meant anything to me until recently. Just another holy verse I don't believe in. As it happens, this verse has been hanging framed on my parents living room wall for years and years, even surviving the envitable cull that comes when you move house. I never understood why, until now.

In April this year we received some bad news. My dad has been diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease. How do you process that news? I can't even imagine how he deals with it in his head, so we didn't know how to cope with the news at first either. We knew we had to come together closer and deal with it as a family.

Days past by and I felt like a constant dark cloud was hanging over my head, like I'd never be happy again. I still feel guilty whenever I start to feel sorry for myself in random unrelated situations. I say in my head: "dad is living with a condition that is unthinkable, and you are moaning about this little thing? Get a fucking grip". This situation has taught me to not lose it over little negatives which pale in comparison to my dad's troubles. I wish I could take the pain away but all I can do is be there for him, check up on him and the family from Glasgow and visit more often.

I'm sure you can understand that this is the biggest issue in my life but you just have to deal with it and be strong for the person suffering. I don't act differently because I don't want to emphasise how much life has changed for worse.

I've hit some depression in recent times too. All the things in my life going on plus problems financially, socially and love wise (well lack of) on top of that, it's made me more emotional for the past few months, feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I talked to my mum and she recited the verse mentioned in the beginning of this post. Now it totally makes sense to me and means more now that ever. Unfortunately some things in life you cannot change, which is hard to accept but I'm learning to slowly. I have to remind myself that I do have the courage and power to change many aspects of life for the better. It has made me feel more hopeful than hopeless.

This isn't a post looking for sympathy or charity. I don't deserve sympathy in this situation. I'm not even directly caring for my dad as I live in Glasgow, although i do as much as I can from afar. This post is a reminder for myself and others to always find the light in the darkest of places. Your perspective could change for the better and make you grateful for what you do have. We still have so much and I need to remember that and be thankful.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things that I can; and wisdom to know the difference.