Sunday 24 July 2016

23 Wishes For My 23rd Year

It's my birthday. I turn the ripe old age of 23 today. I'm not sure how I feel about turning 23. I'd rather be 24 or an even number at least. I thought for my next post I would post my 23 wishes for my next year of life. I want to achieve every single one, so with a bit of grit, hard work and passion I think I can do it.

1.To enter the Eurovision Song Contest for Sweden or Bosnia and Herzegovina

2. Continue with my fitness, getting bigger and stronger whilst still rocking my gym tights because they show off my nice butt

                                3. Find love (I can't be that bloody ugly or annoying … right?! ...)


4. Spend time in London. I've been to Heathrow and past London but never in it. I wanna live there one day      

5. Make more money so not only can I do more things I love for myself but also with and for family and friends

6. To be caring and friendly, but more unapologetic when faced with criticism from nasty bastards
                                           


7. Start a Youtube Channel

8. Get back into my acting, my singing and get more presenting gigs.

9. Keep updating my blog, and reach new milestones

10. Find a new flat. If I could find a less expensive better quality central flat that would be amazing

11. Get a tattoo

12. To see more cities of the UK


13. To become Prime Minister with my fabulous bitches of politics party

14. To marry Steve Grand or convince Nick Jonas that you do in fact love me



15. To become a WWE wrestler because rolling about wrestling muscly men in pants sounds like all my wishes come true at once

16. To try a new side career as a stripper with my stripper name Cece

17. To audition for The X Factor, become the new Chico and get the X Factor sound-over guy to say RACHEL ADEDEJI

18. To get my playing it straight alternative gay for pay commissioned because I still think that's a bloody brilliant idea

19. To reboot Gladiators on ITV with Ulrika Johnson (of course with the original theme song)

20. To meet Conchita Wurst and become unstoppable
                                

21.To become the next superstar … in bowls

22. To see a concert at the Hydro because I've never been (not even joking I haven't)

23. To find and train a pikachu … in real life

And that's it, literally, that's it. I don't think those 23 wishes are impossible. If I don't at least find a real life Pikachu then I'm gonna be pissed off.

So what are your wishes for the future? Tell me in the comments :) :) :)

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Monday 18 July 2016

Two Homes

Hi, it's been a while, but I've had a bit of writer's block recently. I just had no idea what to write about. I could go on and on and on about sex and dating etc, but I thought I should switch it up more (unless you want to hear about more of thoughts on these subjects?) So I was trying to think of what to talk about. Politically right now it feels like there is bad news, after bad news, after bad news that affects us all in some way, but I don't want my blog to be angry or depressing. I want my blog to take someone's mind off the impending doom we all seem to be facing. I mean Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary, is she out of her mind? ARGHHHHH … *breathe* … anyway like I said I don't want to be angry or depressing.

This weekend I went home to see the family. I took the Monday and Tuesday off so I could stay a bit longer. Dumfries may be changing but whenever I come back, it feels like it never does. I was trying to put my finger on how I felt about being in Dumfries, and it feels kinda like going back in time. Glasgow feels like it's always fresh and evolving, full of a diverse range of people from all different backgrounds. Dumfries doesn't feel that way. It seems to look the same, the people are the same, the shops haven't changed. There is something comforting about downsizing to a familiar place you grew up in, and knowing nothing is changing and you can relax. At the same time I feel like I hit a bit of a slump in Dumfries. A constant feeling of needing to broaden my horizons or seek new opportunities, and it doesn't feel like Dumfries could provide these opportunities which is one of the reasons I moved to Glasgow (even though I really didn't want to move away from my family, but needs must.) My social circle in Dumfries is weak as shit. I feel like it's partially my own doing to be honest. It's not just because I don't live in Dumfries anymore, it's also because whenever my friends were asking me to come out for drinks I'd always find an excuse to say no. At first it was because being in the closet I was worried I would blurt out that I was gay drunk. After I came out, it became more of a social anxiety problem. Meeting new people without being able to rely on the Dutch courage of drink. People say just drink anyway, but why would I waste money on something that is rank (to my tastebuds) just to make me relax? It's what some people do but I feel the better way to deal with that is to just face your fears and be confident. Glasgow felt like a new start, I felt like it was a place to grow up and be braver. So I do go out quite a lot for someone who doesn't drink, and it's made me more confident.

Anyway back to Dumfries, I feel like a different person coming back. I'm more confident (although everytime I see someone from school I feel like withdrawing back into myself like I did before, sometimes I just think “shut the fuck up and say hi”) I'm fitter, I've got a bit more money on me, and I think I look a bit better (looking back at old photos, I'm like holy shit, why on earth did I choose to wear that?!). I jump off the bus, get in the car, and first thing I say to my dad who picks me up is “so anything happened while I was gone?” and the answer always seems to be “nah”. The house is never the same, my mum always gets the itch to change the furniture around. My little sister is always keen for me to come home so is all over me like a limpet but then is a bit too intense so we fall out and then come back together the next day. She's always very funny, more than I was at her age, which I slightly envy, as she is more socially unapologetic but in the best way.

One of the best things about coming home is for one thing the company. Me and my mum are very close and very alike. Living with Dale is great but we are so different it hurts. We only really come together when we are going to buy food, games or watch an anime, so a lot of the time when I'm not hanging with my best friends, I feel kinda lonely, so I love the constant conversation back home. Secondly not having to cook is like heaven. It's funny how your mum and dad can always make that meal like no one else can, not even yourself. It just never turns out the same. Thirdly getting to see my little cat Suki purr at me once and then ignore my existence
is okay I guess. Finally there is the silence. It's bit eerie at first but feels like your head isn't so heavy from all the city noises like mass crowds of people, traffic, police cars and ambulances every 30 minutes etc. I prefer the noise overall because I don't like being alone but the quiet once in a while is really refreshing, and something my mum says I'll crave when I'm older.

On Sunday we went to Rockcliffe. We relaxed in the sand, clambered over the rocks, and I took advantage of the many Selfie opportunities (a selfie not in my bedroom for once). It was a great wee day, and it's days like that I really love and appreciate more in hindsight.

It's Monday night, tomorrow I'll be heading back to normality in Glasgow. It's always good to visit home. Not just to visit the parents and sibling I love so much and show them (at least a little bit) how much I care and appreciate them, but also good to get away, feel more refreshed, revisit your roots and set off again with a new frame of mind. I really enjoyed my time at home and boy did I need it.


Home is where the heart is, and now I feel my heart is both in Dumfries and Glasgow. I look forward seeing Glasgow again. :)

Sunday 3 July 2016

I Want You Back #1: Playing it Straight

A series of blog posts I'm going to start is I Want You Back. This is where I talk about different shows, bands, trends etc that I want back, and I think should never have went away. For my first one, I want back a tv show which I recently re-discovered, which I absolutely love, and that is Playing It Straight.

In this show, 1 girl is looking for love and a group of guys are there to battle it out in a multitude of challenges to be with her. What soon dawns on the girl is that this show isn't what it seems, as she is told some of the guys are straight and some are gay. £100,000 is up for grabs. If she picks a straight guy at the end of the show then they both halve the money and ride off into the sunset, but if she picks a gay man, then he takes all the money for himself. The gay men must pretend to be straight, and the girl must work out who is straight and who is merely playing it straight. Episode by episode she eliminates a guy or guys until she picks the one in the final.

Now there are obvious thirsty reasons why I would like this show. A group of attractive guys trying to emasculate each other in a series of physical challenges. Emm yes please! There is though a lesson in this show which I think is a healthy one, and that is to not always judge someone on a stereotype. On occasion in the show aired on Channel 4 (which so far has had two series, one in 2005 and one in 2012) the girl eliminates a guy based on a flimsy stereotype, whether it be a guy is too camp so he must be gay or keep a guy in based on the fact that if he's more macho then he must be straight, which we know in life isn't always true. The show teaches you that yes some people might follow stereotypes, but there also people that don't conform with stereotypes at all, and are their own person entirely. The idea of not staying in “your” box or not staying true to “your” label can unnerve people. Society feels more comfortable with what they expect is true. Black is black and white is white which when is true, in many ways is absolutely fine, but sometimes not conforming with the stereotype can isolate you from a community who live by it . So when the two crossover and someone displays character or physical traits which you would associate with a opposite type of person, people can be confused or even angry in denial that this person is truly what they say they are. This aspect is displayed in the show, and adds a very real dimension of life into the scenario, which I think is very educational.

For people that don't like the idea of a gay man being lets say the villain in the piece, and stealing all the money for being gay, what I say to them is lighten up a bit. The show is entirely comedic, perfectly displayed by commentators Alan Cumming & Alan Carr, and presenters June Sarpong & Jameela Jamil in their respective series. The show is so funny as you see the guys squirm trying display macho masculinity and lie through their teeth. The show is also very challenging for the viewer. It was about 50/50 for me whether I correctly identified someone as gay or as straight in both series. Gaydar is joked about, but let's be honest, doesn't really exist. I can confidently say that the people who claim to have the best gaydar are straight people. I always say that my “gaydar” is shit, I have no clue most of the time who is gay or straight, so don't expect me to be confident enough to identify you as gay in a bar, club or gym, because I have no clue.

To say I have a crush on some of the guys in the show is an understatement. There is a plenty of eye candy. In fact I love the show so much that I want it brought back so I can have a go. This time let's make it a gay version. I'd be the guy looking through a group of guys as to who is gay and who is dun dun dun straight. Of course Playing it Straight as a title wouldn't work, so I'm suggesting (a bloody brilliant name if I don't say so myself) GAY FOR PAY. If I pick a gay guy we walk away with the money and halve it but if he's straight then he walks away with it himself. It would be very interesting to see straight guys trying to act like, what they perceive as gay, and would raise a lot of questions on what we think is gay or straight based on the judgments we make. I think also that if a show, musician, film etc is gay, then in most cases it doesn't become the huge commercial success it should, because for some people it's “too gay”. Channel 4 sound like the right broadcaster to challenge this, and create real and in time controversial shows which open up bigger questions on how we live as a society and whether we are as accepting as we think we are. Sounds right up Channel 4's alley doesn't it nudge nudge wink wink. So let's make it happen. I want you back Playing It Straight, or should I say Gay For Pay? ;)

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Thank You x